NaTuRaL iF yOu DaRe

Thinking this glance would be the last
I began placing you on a pedistol in my memory
I planned to dust you on occasion
And concoct a personality of my creation
When the men dissapoint

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken
Can I atleast be your muse?
Because you are mine

The dark brown wood concealing the inside of every room of our four-room homes boasted my deepest comforts but not on this day. The gold-painted knob of her room signaled a possible ending or beginning. With a keen nervousness my armpits could sense, I or should I say my flat black shoes scraped the tile floor to my mother’s room. Never before, but today I wad jealous of my shoes. Clean. Dirty. Torn. Cleaned. Dirty. Torn. If I am not mistaken, no matter the wear and tear, we call them shoes nonetheless. We can call them the precious heirlooms, may the the keepsakes of our travels. I guess I am just digressing.

Once I entered, I feigned miserably

“I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse?

I walked with my headphones
And there you were an old dream
The Daylight Marauder locked and toned

Although when I saw you,
It was in the dimness of light
The Daylight
Did not taint
him

At first you passed me,
my eyes widened
To accommodate
your perfections

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse?

Continuing to trek
An ear bud in each ear
Smiling from ear to ear

Thinking this glance would be the last
I began placing you on a pestidol in my memory
I planned to dust you on occasion
And concoct a personality of my creation
When the men dissapoint

Before I could construct a pedestal,
You created your own
You strayed your path of intention
Your bike alongside me
To catch my attention
No longer a mystical mirage
But a visage
I could clearly see

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse?

With a glistening smile
Hanging to the comfort of your bike
You drew out a hand
I hoped that when I shook it
It wouldn’t fade into an oblivion
Like I thought you had

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse?

We exchanged namesakes
No name could sound sweeter
Than from
The tongue and lips I imagined kissing
Replacing my name with
Your African Queen, one in only
Appealed to me

Although premature,
You glanced up
You glanced down
At my frame
From another I ‘d find this intrusive
From you, I’d let it slip
Flattery let my mind slip

I hoped in those seconds
You had undressed me
imaginarily ofcourse

For despite my yearning,
I would keep my never opened
Thighs and legs shut
Even so, you’d
Have me consider
Considering

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atl!east be your muse?

I admit, I glanced up
I glanced down
At you
From the tan beanie
To a beard
A college freshman wished for
I admit

You apologized for
Surprising me

You said you remembered me
From a poetry slam
You pinpointed my location
And remembered my company

I feigned a coolness
A calmness
For you remembered me as I
Remembered you

Inwardly, I yelped
I smiled
Something unextinguishable

Friends and I joked that night
We nicknamed you Arabian Prince
Each said you stared at them
With an affection
And I would jokingly deny and say it was me
Each hoped you stared at us
We agreed we were insane

From your poetic flow,
You mentioned wide hips
Wide enough for you to escape
And an incomparable strength
You mentioned an inspiration
You mentioned hands that
In sickness rubbed oils
On your backside

I’d volumptualize
I’d strengthen myself
I’d inspire
I’d learn the mixtures
To free you of sickness

Like your floetic flow
Would have me do at my volition

Yet here you were
From your floetic flow,
I assumed I was not your desire
Tall
Thin
No curves besides
The one in my smile and jaw
Yet here you were

At the Dunkin Donuts
We studied for our exams but
I glanced
Perhaps even glared
To make sure
You were still there

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse??

You sent a text
You asked for a partner a crime
I denied your request
For aloneness with you
In an unfamiliar place
Would lead me to do things unfamiliar

That could not
That would not
Be the end
My awkwardness in bed
Confirmed by the Senior before you
Frightened me

The night before,
you told me we resembled
the Dap and Rachel of the new age
My dark shade and your lighter shade
Still beautiful
We did it digital
With a reenactment
of them kissing
We did the same

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse?

Hands around your neck
Arms around my waist
Your lips entwined in mine
Grabbing my bottom lip
With a beautiful vigor
Your somber laid back nature
Replaced itself with an aggressiveness
That my legs buckled to.

We sat where Dap and Rachel sat
You grabbed me with a protectiveness
I longed for in these days
Lips caressing my neck
I longed to moan
But the act of displaying weakness
I feel weakens me
Nonetheless, I heard your moans
A melodious song
To lull me to sleep

You said you had to leave
You sensed your nature rise
To that I was bitterly pleased
Bitter that you had to leave
Pleased that I arose your nature
For you arose mine

That goodbye hug
Wonderfully tight
With a deep moan to match
Fills my dreams
And makes me smile on occasion

That night
Replays vividly
in solemnity
in rapture
At each of our encounters

In full disclosure,
I returned to my room
After your kisses
Unforgettable
Removed my clothing
With a slow sexiness
As if you were watching

I found a sparkling unmatched
Wetness I thank you for

Slowly but surely
I did the deed
To the best of my ability
With out your presence

As I moaned and groaned alone,
I thought of you, of us
I imagined my sparkling Wetness
intermingle with yours
In lip-biting ecstasty,
I reached a high
An ultimate one
I have not come down from
Since then

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken

Can I atleast be your muse?
Because you are my male muse

By my definition
A muse inspires
A muse changes

I ask:
Do you think of me?
Can I be your poetic inspiration?
Can I remain anonymously yours?

I know I can’t be your love
You’ve been taken
Most importantly,
Can I atleast be your muse?

I write this not to confuse you. I write this to remind me of what had been. As days go on, the day we met fades away. What it was, I will be sure to tell my young daughters of our tale. That was the first time, I felt a reciprocated tangible lust. Perhaps I am too romantic or even attach myself too easily but, this is me. I believe everyone in my life is there for a reason. Clark from Mo Better Blues said “People can teach you two things: what to do and what not to do”. I won’t tell you what I learned but, thank you. I wish you all the happiness your heart can handle. Make no mistake, this is the continuation of friendship. Nothing else. I will be your muse since you are mine. Erykah Badu said it best. “I guess I’ll see you next lifetime” When we hang out, my mind may wonder to the days previous. I’ll keep it to myself. I’ ll remind myself of my youth. I will remind myself that I am not well-equipped for heartbreak. My heart was forever broken by a wanton father. I once dreamed that a man will patch it up. I see now that the strength shall come from within me. I am slowly repairing myself. .

I feel even the personality
I planned to concoct
Couldn’t do you justice”